If you found this article, there’s a good chance you typed something into a search bar that felt awkward, private, or a little alarming.

“Why does sex hurt?”
“Why does sex hurt when it’s deep?”
“How do I know if pelvic pain is serious?”

People look these questions up quietly, often after another uncomfortable experience they cannot quite explain. That silence can make the pain feel isolating, as if this is something happening to you alone.

It isn’t.

Pain during sex affects people of all genders and ages (yes, even men experience pelvic floor pain). For some, it appears suddenly. For others, it builds slowly over time. It may feel sharp, burning, deep, tight, or simply wrong in a way that’s hard to put into words.

Pain is not a moral failing or a lack of effort. It is the body asking for attention.

The goal of this article is to help you understand what pelvic pain during sex often reflects, when it’s important to seek medical care, and how people begin restoring comfort and confidence without forcing or ignoring what their body is telling them.

 

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What Pelvic Floor Pain During Sex Usually Means

The pelvic floor is a group of muscles that sits at the base of the pelvis. It supports organs, helps manage pressure, and works with breathing and movement throughout the day. During sex, it also needs to soften, lengthen, and respond smoothly to changing demand.

Pain tends to appear when this system loses flexibility and healthy responsiveness.

For many people, the pelvic floor stays “on” more often than it should. This can happen through chronic stress, habitual or improper bracing, breath holding, prolonged sitting, or years of moving through the world with tension. Over time, muscles that never fully relax lose their ability to adapt when intimacy requires something different.

This is not a strength problem. It is usually a coordination problem. Muscles are working when they should be yielding, or guarding when there is no active threat.

This pattern shows up in women and men alike, even though it is discussed far less openly in men. Pelvic floor pain in men can involve discomfort with penetration, thrusting, erection, ejaculation, or lingering soreness afterward.

Read The Male Pelvic Floor: Pain, Dysfunction, and How to Rebuild Control.

 

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Why Sex Hurts, Including Deep Pain and Penetration Pain

Pain during sex does not look the same for everyone.

Some people feel pain right away with penetration. Others notice it only when penetration goes deeper. Some experience a dull ache that builds over time. Others feel sharp or burning sensations that stop them immediately.

Deep pain is often linked to how pressure is being managed inside the pelvis rather than depth alone. When the pelvic floor and surrounding muscles remain guarded, deeper movement places strain on tissues that already lack flexibility. Breathing patterns and body position influence this more than many people realize.

When penetration hurts every time, it can feel especially concerning. Consistency often leads people to assume something is seriously wrong. In many cases, what consistency actually reflects is a learned response. After repeated pain, the body begins preparing for discomfort before it happens. Muscles respond earlier. The nervous system stays alert. Pain becomes the expected outcome, even if the original trigger has passed.

This does not mean the pain should be ignored. It means the system needs help changing how it responds.

 

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The Role of Stress and Trauma

Pelvic floor pain is not only shaped by physical movement patterns. Stress and trauma play a meaningful role, even when they have nothing to do with sex.

The body does not separate emotional stress from physical tension. High-pressure jobs, financial strain, caregiving responsibilities, unresolved grief, chronic anxiety, medical trauma, or long periods of feeling unsafe can all lead to persistent muscular guarding. The pelvic floor often absorbs that tension quietly.

Trauma does not need to be sexual to affect the pelvis. Experiences of overwhelm or loss of control can leave lasting patterns in the nervous system that show up physically long after the event has passed.

This connection between emotional experience and physical symptoms is explored in the book The Body Keeps the Score, which many clinicians recommend for understanding how stress is carried in the body.

Movement education can help restore coordination and control, but emotional care matters too. Therapy, counseling, and nervous system regulation are not side notes to recovery. For many people, they are essential parts of it.

MoveU focuses on movement mechanics and education. Those tools are powerful. They work best when paired with support for emotional health and stress management.

 

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When Pelvic Pain Is a Medical Red Flag

It is normal to worry about serious causes when pain involves such an intimate area.

Medical evaluation is important if you experience unexplained bleeding, sudden changes in bowel or bladder function, pain that wakes you at night without movement, or neurological symptoms such as numbness or weakness.

Most pelvic pain during sex, however, is musculoskeletal and nervous system driven. It often improves with appropriate care once contributing patterns are addressed. Seeking reassurance and taking symptoms seriously can exist at the same time.

 

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Pelvic Floor Pain: Do’s and Don’ts

When sex hurts, small daily habits often matter more than people realize. These guidelines reflect what pelvic floor therapists frequently see helping or worsening pelvic floor pain over time.

Do

• Let your bladder follow a natural rhythm.
  Go to the bathroom when you feel the urge, not “just in case,” and not hours after your body has been asking.

• Allow time to fully empty.
  Sit comfortably, breathe, and avoid rushing or straining. Forcing urine out or cutting yourself off early can increase pelvic tension.

• Breathe.
  Steady, full breathing helps regulate pressure and reduces unconscious clenching through the pelvis.

• Notice how stress shows up in your body.
  Jaw tension, shallow breathing, glute clenching, and abdominal bracing often travel together with pelvic floor tension.

• Change positions when something doesn’t feel right.
  Whether during sex, exercise, or sitting, adjustment is information, not failure.

• Seek support when pain persists.
  Pelvic floor–informed education, coaching, or therapy can help you understand what your body needs and how to respond differently.

• Learn how to properly brace your core.
  Managing intra-abdominal pressure, especially when lifting and moving, is essential skill taught in all MoveU programs. 

• Get adequate hydration and plenty of fiber.
  Staying well hydrated and supporting regular (and easy) bowel movements helps reduce straining, pressure, and compensatory tension in the pelvic floor, all of which can contribute to pain over time. 
  

Don’t

• Don’t hold urine longer than is healthy.
  Regularly ignoring the urge to pee trains the pelvic floor to stay tense and can contribute to pain over time.

• Don’t pee “just in case” when you don’t need to.
  Constantly emptying the bladder before there’s an urge can disrupt normal bladder signaling.

• Don’t strain to urinate or have a bowel movement.
  Pushing increases downward pressure and reinforces unhelpful pelvic patterns.

• Don’t push through pain during sex to “get used to it.”
  Repeatedly overriding discomfort can strengthen protective stress responses rather than reduce them.

• Don’t assume more strengthening is the solution.
  When muscles already struggle to relax, aggressive tightening can worsen symptoms.

• Don’t treat pelvic pain as purely physical or purely emotional.
  Movement patterns, stress, nervous system state, and past experiences all influence how the pelvic floor behaves.

 

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What Actually Helps

Long-term improvement comes from restoring awareness and control, not from forcing relaxation or strengthening muscles in isolation.

Helpful approaches focus on pelvic floor release, improving breathing patterns, reducing unnecessary bracing, increasing body awareness, and gradually rebuilding trust in movement and sensation. The goal is not to eliminate tension entirely, but to give the body options again.

Information alone rarely creates change. Many people understand what should happen but struggle to apply it consistently without guidance.

This is the foundation of the MoveU Pelvic Floor Program, created by Dr. Brittney Ellers, a pelvic floor therapist. The program is offered as part of a MoveU Membership and emphasizes coordination, control, and practical education rather than quick fixes or isolated drills.

When paired with the MoveU Back & Core program, it is designed to help people learn how their bodies respond and practice improved movement patterns that carry into daily life and intimacy.

 

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Listen To Your Body

Pain during sex does not mean your body is broken. It means something is asking for attention.

When you stop pushing through or ignoring that signal and start responding to it with care, things can change. Comfort and confidence are not unrealistic goals. They often come from understanding how your body works and giving it the support it needs, physically and emotionally.

You are allowed to seek answers. You are allowed to ask for help. And you are allowed to expect intimacy that does not hurt.